It was Sunday morning and I decided to skip church. Weak and overwhelmed by the weight of my emotions, I needed to retreat. I longed for the Father’s voice, to tell me what to do; that He was going to fight for me; that everything would be okay.
“[Your words] are life to those who find them and healing to their whole body”.- Proverbs 4:22
Unable to hold myself any longer, I burst into tears. I hated myself for crying. I thought about calling up a friend, but no. I could not risk appearing weak. So, I thought more deeply about how I hated my myself for crying and cried more for it.
Then I heard the words:
My daughter, your tears are not your enemy
An image flashed through my mind. It was the meme I had stumbled upon several times that morning, in my attempts to distract myself on facebook. It said something along the lines of:
Strip yourself of every weight that holds you back and soar like an Eagle.
What did an eagle have to do with my tears? If anything, the reference made me feel weaker. How could I ever be an eagle if I could not even control my own tears.
In His usual soothing way, the Holy Spirit completed His sentence:
My daughter, your tears are not your enemy. They are your instrument for shedding the weight of pain, so, you can always rise stronger, like an eagle.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles.- Isaiah 40: 31
Eagles are able to live up to seventy years, depending on whether they make some painful decisions at the age of 40. At this age, their long and sharp beaks become bent, their talons weak and their wings become stuck to their chests as their feathers thicken. At this stage, the eagle can either allow itself to die or it can retreat to a mountain top to take itself through a painful 5-month process of transformation. There, the eagle knocks its beak against a rock until it can pluck it out. Once a new beak grows, it plucks out its talons for new ones. It then plucks out its feathers. Once this process is complete, the eagle takes what is called a “flight for rebirth” to live strong for another 30 years.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great crowd of witnesses, let us strip every weight that slows us down…and let us run with endurance the race God has set before us”. – Hebrews 12:1
I created this blog about a year ago to reach out you who may be longing for God; you who may feel unworthy to be found by Him. I write my posts to show you that Jesus desperately wants to be your friend. I’ve written stories of Jesus standing by me when I was alone, how He’s guarded my heart for me and taught me to love easily; stories of how I’ve found Him in the place of ease, against my self-righteous struggle to earn Him. Yet, I realize I have not addressed what may in fact be the deepest question on your heart: If Jesus loves me, why then does He let me cry?
Today, I too was forced to come to terms with this question. And for the first time, I came to understand that it is okay to cry.
My tears do not make me weak but rather, strong. I came to understand that I hurt deeply about things that concern me directly and things that do not concern me at all, because God has given me the gift of sensitivity and my gift is a gift for the world.
I am an eagle and when I cry, I shed off weights for myself, my loved ones, my communities and for the world. So, that I can take my “flight for rebirth”, and carry on stronger for my world.
Dear reader, you too are an eagle and it is okay to cry.
“The Lord is near to the broken hearted and he rescues those whose Spirits are crushed”.- Psalm 34:18
For years, I’ve enjoyed the wonderful gift of friendship with Jesus, graduating constantly to deeper levels of intimacy with Him. Yet, in my bid to be a “tough girl”, I’ve missed out on the treasures of dwelling in the greatest place of intimacy- the place of tears.
With this new revelation, I pray for you as I now pray for myself. May we learn to cry freely! and in our tears, allow ourselves to enjoy our loving Father’s most tangible presence.
Dear reader, your tears are not the recommendation that God is not there but rather the evidence that He is.
Thank you, as always for reading my blog. This is to the pleasures of dwelling in the Father’s most tangible presence.
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